(Brief note: As I write these reflections I'm trying my best to describe how I reacted and felt at the time rather than projecting my current views back onto myself, but it can be difficult, especially because I think I'm now better able to detail exactly what I was witnessing and my evolution as a result. So be aware that there probably is a bit of ret-conning despite my best efforts otherwise.)
Eleven years later, it's becoming safer and safer to assume that 9/11 will stand as the definitive international political event of my generation. It's the Pearl Harbor, JFK assassination, or moon landing of Gen X and most of the Millennials. We all remember where we were. I usually turned on the news for a few minutes before heading out the door; for whatever reason, that morning (at about 8:45 Central time, well after it had begun) I didn't. I was on the bus to campus when a girl with a cell phone (I sure as hell didn't have one in 2001) started talking about how "they" had attacked the Pentagon. That was the first I heard. I continued on to campus in the pre-Twitter and smartphone era (to think how differently this would go down today) where confusion reigned and class continued somewhat normally, though discussion centered on the attacks as more details became clear. Then I went home and watched TV the rest of the day.
I felt a lot of emotions. Sadness, anger, confusion. I wanted justice, but as a junior majoring in political science, I knew that this wasn't going to be a simple "go kick that country's ass" kind of war. It was nice to see Americans dropping the stupid crap and uniting for at least a little bit. I felt bad knowing that Muslims in this country were going to get a lot of grief. But when President Bush gave his speech on the rubble, I was optimistic that he could see us through the tragedy and an appropriate response. The first sign of trouble came with the Patriot Act, the legacy of which (REAL ID) is going to cause me to have to get a new passport to fly out of New Mexico.
I spent the summer of 2002 abroad in Germany, where I was first seriously exposed to the European way of life. It was great. Not that I was giving up on America, mind you, but my love and respect for other cultures was deepened with this first true immersion in one. I was a bit taken aback when I returned and all the talk was about Saddam Hussein and WMDs. The countdown to the Iraq War had begun. Honestly, I didn't know what to think. I knew Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11, that was obvious. I wanted to believe the WMD threat was real, though it seemed unlikely that the regime could pose a serious threat to the US. I was disgusted with the complete disregard for the international community and the renaming of French fries to "freedom fries." By the time shock and awe started in March 2003, I knew we were making a mistake. I just had no idea how big of a mistake it was.
Later that year I returned to Germany, this time for 10 months. I didn't stick a Canadian flag on my backpack, but I didn't exactly brag about being an American either. To their credit, I never met a German or other international student that made assumptions about me because of my country of origin. And I made friends from so many places - Germany, China, Estonia, India - that I was embarrassed that the leaders of my country seemed to not care about what these people thought if they dared disagree with the stance of 'MERICA, F YEAH! Meanwhile, things were going FUBAR in Iraq. It became readily apparent that the occupation was being run by incompetent cronies and thugs. Then came the Abu Ghraib torture pictures. I was mortified. It was not a few bad apples. It was a systematic failure and a national embarrassment to a great country. Neoconservatism as a foreign policy was dead to me.
Enter the 2004 presidential election. I was at a crossroads. I was severely upset with Bush about Iraq, but I wasn't quite ready to side with the Democrats. Kerry just didn't do it for me. (Unfortunately, at this time I still watched Fox News somewhat often, and was at least partially influenced by the crap they threw at him. Second mea culpa of this series - John, you gave a great speech at the DNC this year.) I ended up voting for the Libertarian. It was an absentee Kansas vote, so it didn't really matter.
At the time I was studying international affairs at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, a city that makes Lawrence look as red as rural Texas. Social conservatism had never been my thing. Iraq crushed my foreign policy conservatism. Now, thanks to the Bush policies and my graduate coursework in politics and economics, I abandoned conservatism altogether and became a pragmatic moderate. Surely the best way to solve problems in the economic and policy realms was to analyze all the options and figure out which one would work the best. Though I didn't realize it, I tacitly accepted what some liberals call the Big Lie of Centrism - both sides are just as bad. If we could just get the corrupt politicians out of it, we could really get things done.
Katrina removed whatever little faith I may have had left in the Bush administration; to screw up occupying a foreign country during an insurgency is one thing, to fail to adequately assist your own citizens when disaster strikes is inexcusable. The next year I entered government service as a budget analyst for the state of Wisconsin. For the first time I was directly exposed to how government works, albeit at the state level. And yes, there was some shenanigans on both sides, but the sheer obstinacy and pigheadedness with how the state Republicans acted (many of them currently in charge, sadly) gradually eroded my sense of Both Sides Suck Equally.
When the 2008 election came around, like many Americans I was ready for a change. I had respect for John McCain, at least until he picked Sarah Palin as his running mate, but I tied my horse to Obama pretty early. When people like Colin Powell - my former hero - endorsed him, I became confident I was making the right choice. The Republican Party was trending steadily rightward at a time I was trending leftward. I hoped Obama would sweep away the detritus of the Bush years and begin things anew. Then the Great Recession hit and it became painfully obvious just how much BushCo had sunk us. I was elated when Obama won. Would I agree with everyone he did? No. But finally it seemed as if a grown-up was in charge again. Our standing in the world improved overnight - and I believe that's vitally important. When the Tea Party formed on, seemingly, January 21, 2009 and ushered in the Great Hypocrisy of Obama Caused the Debt (not to mention insane birth certificate conspiracy theories), I was revolted and gradually became less and less afraid to "come out" as a liberal. But I'll save that for Part 3, when I'll bring my tale to the present day.
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