Life at 33 - The Difference of a Year

I'm not one to blog about personal matters that often, or generally put them out there in cyberspace for the whole word to digest.  But I've had a bit of an eventful year, and the occasion of my 33rd birthday on July 26 seemed a proper time for some reflection and sharing.  This story is still moving forward, but I want to share in the hope it might offer a bit of evidence to all those thirty-somethings out there - who are fast approaching potential mid-life crisis age - that it's always possible to turn your life around and find a new direction.

I went through a divorce last year.  I won't get into the details; I'll just say that in the end it was the best decision for both of us.  But that doesn't mean it was easy or didn't hurt tremendously.  As a natural consequence we also had to get rid of our house, though fortunately that process was not as painful as it might have been.  I was able to find a pretty good apartment for myself, but the idea of restarting my life alone in Albuquerque was still a tough one to swallow.

June 2013

Though there would still be some hurdles to overcome, I tried not to let my newfound single status prevent me from moving on with my life.  One decision that I made at about the same time my marriage was ending was to lose weight.  I've never been morbidly obese, but have been slightly chunky for as long as I can remember, except for my year in Germany, when months of walking kilometers and eating not-overly processed food made me look severely undersized in most of my clothes (being introduced to Wisconsin bratwurst and beer took care of that issue depressingly quickly).  However last summer a couple influences inspired me to get serious about shedding some pounds.  First was my friend David, who had lost a good chunk of weight himself and was looking great.  I asked him how he did it and it really didn't seem that difficult, and I figured if he can do it, why not me?  Second was the tragic death of video game journalist and one of my favorite podcasters, Ryan Davis, at 34.  It was not made publicly known how Ryan died other than "natural causes," and it's obviously not my business, but he was a pretty big fella, and it stands to reason that his weight may have played a role in his untimely passing.  I don't think I'm the only nerd who was motivated to make something positive out of Ryan's tragedy and take greater control of their lives.  Wherever he is, I hope he knows he continues to inspire gamers everywhere.

July 2014

Beyond that, I think I really just saw it as something to focus on as I was going through some tough times.  I got a scale and became pretty obsessive about weighing myself, almost every day.  I also became very diet-conscious, reduced portions, cut out unhealthy snacks and soda, and counted calories and fat (though not religiously - didn't keep a food journal or anything, mainly just watched what I bought in the store).  I started walking even more than I usually do.  And that's really about it.  Slowly but surely the pounds started coming off.  I don't want to make it sound like it was easy, because I know that losing weight is something that many, many people work very hard at and struggle with.  I guess I'm just saying I didn't have some magic secret, I just kept at it.  A year later, I'm down about 40 pounds and am maintaining a very healthy weight.  I had a wellness checkup yesterday that pegged my BMI at a healthy 22.2, by far the lowest I ever remember it.  Back in the embarrassing days of taking it in gym class it was always somewhere in the 30s.  Thankfully those days are history.  I'm certainly no muscle-y cut dude - that would require more effort than I'm probably willing to put in - but I've never felt better about how I look.

In addition to losing weight, I also kept busy by beginning an online Doctor of Public Administration degree through Valdosta State University in Georgia last August.  My academic career has had a lot of twists and turns, but I settled on this program - through a real brick-and-mortar school rather than a for-profit diploma mill - as a good way to achieve my long-held goal of obtaining a doctorate (which I fully intend to be my terminal degree), while still being able to work my full-time job.  Three semesters later, it has been a lot of work, but I am making good progress towards that end.  If everything goes according to plan, I'll finish classes next spring and my dissertation in the spring of 2016, thus crowning me Dr. Miner, DPA.  Where I'll go with my career after that is anyone's guess, but I'm excited to be within reach of a top-level, quality degree.  I'm also looking forward to traveling back to Valdosta in August to reconnect with my classmates whom I've largely only known through online discussions this past year.

Despite these positive developments, I was pretty lonely in Albuquerque and remained set on leaving, given that I wasn't exactly attached here other than my job in Santa Fe (which I almost moved to, but decided to stay in ABQ due to lower cost-of-living and just being better established there).  For that to happen, though, I needed a job.  This spring I applied to several in locations like Kansas City and even Washington, D.C.  Nothing really panned out - the only one that came close was a job with the Federal Reserve in KC, which I had two phone interviews for, but didn't get the call to come in person.  I was bummed about that, and momentum died when nothing else came to fruition and I got really busy with my summer semester.  I was frustrated but figured I would try again this fall.

Then something completely unexpected happened.  I went to a meetup house party with a couple friends of mine.  At this party was a rather attractive young woman named Maria.  I remember introducing myself but stupidly not talking to her much after that.  Then, late in the night, a group went to the dance floor for one last set and got me to join them.  Over the course of a few dances, Maria and I just kinda started dancing with each other.  Afterward I told her she was a good dancer, but fortunately that wasn't it - a short time later my friend Manny told Maria she should ask me to dance.  She did, and I readily accepted, and it was great.  We struck up a conversation afterward, swapped numbers, and agreed to hang out.  We had our first date on July 4 - dinner at Cheddar's and walking around my neighborhood looking at fireworks being shot off.  We've been seeing each other pretty regularly ever since - watching movies, going contra dancing, cooking together, playing board games, etc.  She's even picking up some German, and I've promised to finally attempt to learn some Spanish in return.  She is incredibly nice and supportive, and inspires me to work to better myself.  I feel really lucky to have met her - she almost didn't go to the party, and I almost left before we danced.  Things just seem to have worked out, and we just recently declared our "official" boyfriend/girlfriend status (though it feels rather lame to be using those terms in my 30s, the English language doesn't seem to provide anything better).  I'm excited to spend more time with her and see where things go between us; I knew she was a keeper when I told her we could do whatever she wanted and her reply was "I want to play another board game with you."  Suffice to say, my plans to leave Albuquerque are on hold.  A slightly better civil servant job in God-knows-where can wait.

Celebrating my 33rd birthday with Maria at the Fox and Hound

So compared to where my life was a year ago, it's hard to believe how much has changed.  There were some tough times to be sure, but things have really seem to have turned a corner.  I don't mean this to be some grand inspirational Lifetime movie of the week or whatever, but I just felt it was a good time to share my experiences of the past year in case people may have been wondering.  Know that I am doing well and if you've taken anything away from my story, then I'd feel this wordy narrative was worth the effort.

Congratulations for having made it this far, now it's time for the shameless plug!  As a sort-of culmination to the past year of events, I've committed to taking part in Extra Life 2014 on October 25.  This is something I've wanted to do for years but never did - but this year I'm all-in.  Extra Life is a nationwide 24-hour gaming marathon organized by the Child's Play charitable foundation to benefit Children's Miracle Network hospitals across the country.  As a young lad I spent a great deal of time at the University of Kansas Medical Center in Kansas City due to my eye conditions, and while I don't remember the details, I know that me and my family were also helped by organizations like the Ronald McDonald House and the local Lions Club.  I guess I see this as a way to give back for all the care I received, while also getting to engage in my favorite hobby at the same time.

It's really simple.  Basically I - and everyone else participating in the event - play games for as long as we can manage on the 25th.  Any kind of games are viable - board, card, video, etc. - and as a devotee of all three I plan to mix things up as much as I can, and am definitely challenging myself to last the entire 24 hours.  For the kids.  Anybody that wants to donate can do so at any time up to and including on the 25th, for any amount they choose.  On the big day I'll be posting updates and pictures about what I'm playing and how my fundraising is going, and if I'm really ambitious will attempt to livestream some video game playing, including taking game requests for small donations.  All donations that I receive are tax-deductible and will 100% benefit the University of New Mexico Children's Hospital in Albuquerque.  I'm really looking forward to the event.  Gaming for a good cause - how could I not be?

If you'd like to learn more about Extra Life, you can do so at www.extra-life.org.  If you'd like to make a donation, please do so through my fundraising page here.  Thanks for your support and for reading this lengthy post.  All the best to you and yours.