Life at 33 - The Difference of a Year

I'm not one to blog about personal matters that often, or generally put them out there in cyberspace for the whole word to digest.  But I've had a bit of an eventful year, and the occasion of my 33rd birthday on July 26 seemed a proper time for some reflection and sharing.  This story is still moving forward, but I want to share in the hope it might offer a bit of evidence to all those thirty-somethings out there - who are fast approaching potential mid-life crisis age - that it's always possible to turn your life around and find a new direction.

I went through a divorce last year.  I won't get into the details; I'll just say that in the end it was the best decision for both of us.  But that doesn't mean it was easy or didn't hurt tremendously.  As a natural consequence we also had to get rid of our house, though fortunately that process was not as painful as it might have been.  I was able to find a pretty good apartment for myself, but the idea of restarting my life alone in Albuquerque was still a tough one to swallow.

June 2013

Though there would still be some hurdles to overcome, I tried not to let my newfound single status prevent me from moving on with my life.  One decision that I made at about the same time my marriage was ending was to lose weight.  I've never been morbidly obese, but have been slightly chunky for as long as I can remember, except for my year in Germany, when months of walking kilometers and eating not-overly processed food made me look severely undersized in most of my clothes (being introduced to Wisconsin bratwurst and beer took care of that issue depressingly quickly).  However last summer a couple influences inspired me to get serious about shedding some pounds.  First was my friend David, who had lost a good chunk of weight himself and was looking great.  I asked him how he did it and it really didn't seem that difficult, and I figured if he can do it, why not me?  Second was the tragic death of video game journalist and one of my favorite podcasters, Ryan Davis, at 34.  It was not made publicly known how Ryan died other than "natural causes," and it's obviously not my business, but he was a pretty big fella, and it stands to reason that his weight may have played a role in his untimely passing.  I don't think I'm the only nerd who was motivated to make something positive out of Ryan's tragedy and take greater control of their lives.  Wherever he is, I hope he knows he continues to inspire gamers everywhere.

July 2014

Beyond that, I think I really just saw it as something to focus on as I was going through some tough times.  I got a scale and became pretty obsessive about weighing myself, almost every day.  I also became very diet-conscious, reduced portions, cut out unhealthy snacks and soda, and counted calories and fat (though not religiously - didn't keep a food journal or anything, mainly just watched what I bought in the store).  I started walking even more than I usually do.  And that's really about it.  Slowly but surely the pounds started coming off.  I don't want to make it sound like it was easy, because I know that losing weight is something that many, many people work very hard at and struggle with.  I guess I'm just saying I didn't have some magic secret, I just kept at it.  A year later, I'm down about 40 pounds and am maintaining a very healthy weight.  I had a wellness checkup yesterday that pegged my BMI at a healthy 22.2, by far the lowest I ever remember it.  Back in the embarrassing days of taking it in gym class it was always somewhere in the 30s.  Thankfully those days are history.  I'm certainly no muscle-y cut dude - that would require more effort than I'm probably willing to put in - but I've never felt better about how I look.

In addition to losing weight, I also kept busy by beginning an online Doctor of Public Administration degree through Valdosta State University in Georgia last August.  My academic career has had a lot of twists and turns, but I settled on this program - through a real brick-and-mortar school rather than a for-profit diploma mill - as a good way to achieve my long-held goal of obtaining a doctorate (which I fully intend to be my terminal degree), while still being able to work my full-time job.  Three semesters later, it has been a lot of work, but I am making good progress towards that end.  If everything goes according to plan, I'll finish classes next spring and my dissertation in the spring of 2016, thus crowning me Dr. Miner, DPA.  Where I'll go with my career after that is anyone's guess, but I'm excited to be within reach of a top-level, quality degree.  I'm also looking forward to traveling back to Valdosta in August to reconnect with my classmates whom I've largely only known through online discussions this past year.

Despite these positive developments, I was pretty lonely in Albuquerque and remained set on leaving, given that I wasn't exactly attached here other than my job in Santa Fe (which I almost moved to, but decided to stay in ABQ due to lower cost-of-living and just being better established there).  For that to happen, though, I needed a job.  This spring I applied to several in locations like Kansas City and even Washington, D.C.  Nothing really panned out - the only one that came close was a job with the Federal Reserve in KC, which I had two phone interviews for, but didn't get the call to come in person.  I was bummed about that, and momentum died when nothing else came to fruition and I got really busy with my summer semester.  I was frustrated but figured I would try again this fall.

Then something completely unexpected happened.  I went to a meetup house party with a couple friends of mine.  At this party was a rather attractive young woman named Maria.  I remember introducing myself but stupidly not talking to her much after that.  Then, late in the night, a group went to the dance floor for one last set and got me to join them.  Over the course of a few dances, Maria and I just kinda started dancing with each other.  Afterward I told her she was a good dancer, but fortunately that wasn't it - a short time later my friend Manny told Maria she should ask me to dance.  She did, and I readily accepted, and it was great.  We struck up a conversation afterward, swapped numbers, and agreed to hang out.  We had our first date on July 4 - dinner at Cheddar's and walking around my neighborhood looking at fireworks being shot off.  We've been seeing each other pretty regularly ever since - watching movies, going contra dancing, cooking together, playing board games, etc.  She's even picking up some German, and I've promised to finally attempt to learn some Spanish in return.  She is incredibly nice and supportive, and inspires me to work to better myself.  I feel really lucky to have met her - she almost didn't go to the party, and I almost left before we danced.  Things just seem to have worked out, and we just recently declared our "official" boyfriend/girlfriend status (though it feels rather lame to be using those terms in my 30s, the English language doesn't seem to provide anything better).  I'm excited to spend more time with her and see where things go between us; I knew she was a keeper when I told her we could do whatever she wanted and her reply was "I want to play another board game with you."  Suffice to say, my plans to leave Albuquerque are on hold.  A slightly better civil servant job in God-knows-where can wait.

Celebrating my 33rd birthday with Maria at the Fox and Hound

So compared to where my life was a year ago, it's hard to believe how much has changed.  There were some tough times to be sure, but things have really seem to have turned a corner.  I don't mean this to be some grand inspirational Lifetime movie of the week or whatever, but I just felt it was a good time to share my experiences of the past year in case people may have been wondering.  Know that I am doing well and if you've taken anything away from my story, then I'd feel this wordy narrative was worth the effort.

Congratulations for having made it this far, now it's time for the shameless plug!  As a sort-of culmination to the past year of events, I've committed to taking part in Extra Life 2014 on October 25.  This is something I've wanted to do for years but never did - but this year I'm all-in.  Extra Life is a nationwide 24-hour gaming marathon organized by the Child's Play charitable foundation to benefit Children's Miracle Network hospitals across the country.  As a young lad I spent a great deal of time at the University of Kansas Medical Center in Kansas City due to my eye conditions, and while I don't remember the details, I know that me and my family were also helped by organizations like the Ronald McDonald House and the local Lions Club.  I guess I see this as a way to give back for all the care I received, while also getting to engage in my favorite hobby at the same time.

It's really simple.  Basically I - and everyone else participating in the event - play games for as long as we can manage on the 25th.  Any kind of games are viable - board, card, video, etc. - and as a devotee of all three I plan to mix things up as much as I can, and am definitely challenging myself to last the entire 24 hours.  For the kids.  Anybody that wants to donate can do so at any time up to and including on the 25th, for any amount they choose.  On the big day I'll be posting updates and pictures about what I'm playing and how my fundraising is going, and if I'm really ambitious will attempt to livestream some video game playing, including taking game requests for small donations.  All donations that I receive are tax-deductible and will 100% benefit the University of New Mexico Children's Hospital in Albuquerque.  I'm really looking forward to the event.  Gaming for a good cause - how could I not be?

If you'd like to learn more about Extra Life, you can do so at www.extra-life.org.  If you'd like to make a donation, please do so through my fundraising page here.  Thanks for your support and for reading this lengthy post.  All the best to you and yours.

The Kansas "Religious Freedom" Act is Legalized Discrimination. Period.

Nationwide marriage equality is coming.  It may not be tomorrow, or next month, or next year, but it will be here probably sooner than anyone could have imagined even a few years ago.  That fact is starting to sink into opponents, and it has them preemptively seeking to deny forthcoming rights to gay citizens however they can.

Strike "Irish," insert "gays" - likely soon to be Kansas law.

Enter the conservative-dominated Kansas legislature, and House Bill 2453, "concerning religious freedoms with respect to marriage."  (I encourage you to read the actual text; it's a big legal-y of course, but understandable with careful reading.)  It would, on the basis of "sincerely held religious beliefs ... regarding sex or gender," enable someone to refuse to provide any services related to "any marriage, civil union, domestic partnership, or similar arrangement."  In short, it would enshrine discrimination against gay couples, justified by unmeasurable "religious beliefs," into Kansas law.  In other words, religious beliefs would now enable someone to perform an act that would otherwise be illegal.  This, from a group of people that's constantly worried about "creeping Sharia"?  This, from a group of "Christians"?  Remember all those biblical stories where Jesus refused to interact with people he or society found distasteful?  Oh wait.

Please note that this implications of this broadly-worded bill go far beyond wedding photographers and bakers.  A hospital could refuse a gay partner visitation rights.  A funeral home could prohibit a gay partner from participating in funeral arrangements.  Gay couples in Kansas could be denied every opportunity to live a normal life that straight couples take for granted.  This is the message that the Kansas legislature is sending them.

The bill passed the House 72-49 and is likely to pass the conservative-dominated Senate and be signed into law by conservative Governor Brownback, who needs to rally his base since he is now facing surprisingly stiff competition in his bid for reelection.  And while Brownback likes to claim that "Kansas is open for business," this bill effectively tells gays and lesbians to stay away.  You need not apply.  Way to attract new people and grow the state's economy, Kansas GOP.

I'm not going to rehash arguments over gay marriage; I've done that before and it's really not the focus here.  Rather, I'll concentrate on the legal issues of this bill.  The most common (and arguably best) argument in support of HB2453 goes something like "You don't have the right to do business with anyone," and its corollary, "I have the right to refuse service to anyone."  To an extent, I concede that this is true, and while I would never support this bill, I actually initially had some qualms about actively opposing it.  After all, if business owners want to deprive themselves of revenue on the basis of their religious beliefs, well I suppose that's the free market at work.  Their loss, right?

But here's the rub.  If a half-naked drunk walked into a grocery store and demanded some hot dogs, no one would admonish the store's manager for refusing them service and asking them to leave.  Why?  Half-naked drunks are unpredictable; they may be dangerous; they may even pose a threat to public health, especially in a grocery store (I'll let you imagine the scenarios).  Moreover, half-naked drunks are not a class of citizens that has been traditionally discriminated against and which society has deemed worthy of special guarantees of equality.  A drunk is being refused service based on their own individual behavior, not because of belonging to a group.  That is perfectly acceptable, and would be if that drunk happened to be gay.

But denying someone service simply because they are gay is discriminating against them simply because of who they are, something they cannot change, and preconceived notions and feelings about the group they belong to.  Not their potentially threat-posing behavior.  Of course, we have seen this exact pattern played out in our not-too-distant past, albeit with a different group.  Religious beliefs such as the "curse of Ham" had long been used to justify black inferiority and servitude.  Fortunately, those applying Christian principles to racial equality won out, and the 1964 Civil Rights Act outlawed discrimination based on race and national origin in hotels, restaurants, theaters, and all public accommodations engaging in interstate commerce (and thereby subject to federal regulation).  Simply put, it ended segregation.  It also established the precedent that someone's right to do business as they wish does not trump another person's right to be discriminated against simply because of who they are.

Not surprisingly, this law was met with some resistance.  A hotel owner in Atlanta argued, "the fundamental question…is whether or not Congress has the power to take away the liberty of an individual to run his business as he sees fit in the selection and choice of his customers."  Sound familiar?  In his 1971 case, Heart of Atlanta Motel v. United States, the Supreme Court ruled that the Civil Rights Act applied to the private sector due to the federal government's ability to regulate interstate commerce.  Much of the same language being used today in support of "religious freedom" was used to justify racial discrimination.  The target has simply shifted. 

But, my critic would probably argue, there's no such federal law prohibiting such discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.  True, sadly.  The snarky comeback would be: "So, you admit that you're advocating for a license to discriminate?"  But here's the more nuanced rebuttal.  Over time, society's opinions on what groups deserve protections of equality, based on a history of past discrimination, continues to evolve.  Racism is simply the most egregious example in American history, but it doesn't take slavery and separate water fountains to warrant action.  The work of guaranteeing civil rights didn't end with the 1964 Act.  Consider this: for much of American history, people with disabilities were perhaps to be pitied, but were not regarded as "full" citizens with the potential to contribute just like any other.  That changed with the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act in 1990, one of the greatest legislative accomplishments of Kansas Republican Senator Bob Dole.  In ending workplace and accessibility discrimination against those with disabilities, it was the statutory acknowledgement that millions of Americans were just as capable of being full participants in the American economy and society as anyone else.  And it happened just 24 years ago.

We are now in a period where attitudes towards gay citizens are changing rapidly.  The prevailing wind undoubtedly blows toward greater tolerance and acceptance, and there will be no going back.  With that comes the realization that, like so many groups before them, gay Americans deserve protections that guarantee their equality as citizens, owing to past and present discrimination that only someone truly blind to history would deny.   As also happened before, a segment of the population, disingenuously clinging to "personal freedom" (as it apparently only applies to them) and personifying the word "conservative" have chosen to resist this change.  Like many other states, Kansas is at a crossroads.  It could be a welcoming beacon to all Americans, inviting all who wish to live and work there to contribute to making it a better place to live.  Unfortunately, it looks all too likely that it will instead tell an entire segment of the population it is not welcome, sure to damage the state as history leaves it behind.

The other aspect of the bill I'd like to point out, as it is so blatantly unconstitutional a high schooler could rule on it, is this: as written, the bill permits any government employee - city clerk, police officer, whatever - to refuse to provide services owing to "religious beliefs" in the same manner as above.  A county clerk could refuse to issue a marriage license to two men or two women should gay marriage be legalized in Kansas; worse, a police officer could refuse to respond to a domestic dispute involving such because they do not recognize their relationship as valid.  Let me state this clearly: this bill enables government agents to selectively discriminate based on their personal beliefs.  State-sanctioned discrimination.  Yes, the bill does state that if one employee refuses to provide the service, the employer shall ensure the service is provided, "if it can be done without undue hardship" (a phrase begging to be litigated).  Well, suppose marriage equality comes to Kansas, and two men in sparsely populated western Kansas want to get married.  It's all too likely, at least in the early going, that they would not be able to find a willing county clerk within a hundred mile radius.  Forcing them to travel to Wichita or Manhattan or Lawrence or wherever when any straight couple could get licensed where they live is supposed to uphold "equal treatment before the law"?  People who continuously rail about the virtue of small, unobtrusive government find this acceptable? Are you kidding me?

I could go on about other nefarious aspects of this bill - the incredibly broad scope (something small-government types should also take issue with - to their credit, some House Republicans voted no for this reason; the "CYA" section ensuring that the remainder of the law stays in effect if part of it is struck down; the victim blaming section that holds claimants legally and financially responsible if they dare claim discrimination - but I have to stop somewhere.  Suffice it to say this bill would institutionalize discrimination and further damage Kansas' national image.  If it is enacted, it will immediately be challenged in court, with parts or all of it being struck down - and Kansas taxpayers will be on the hook for defending it.  More efficient use of taxpayer money by "fiscal conservatives."

The fight's not over, though.  It still has to pass the Senate and be signed.  Contact your Kansas state senator and let them know how you feel.  (Make sure you direct your feedback to the right place - today I saw a change.org petition addressed to US Senator Jerry Moran for some reason; he serves in DC and doesn't have anything to do with this bill.)  Contact Brownback's office and let him know if he signs this bill, you're one less vote he'll have in November.  Maybe, just maybe, we can convince those in Topeka it would be better for Kansas' future to welcome all to the Sunflower State, no matter whom they love.

One final note to those who were probably right with me up till now: Groups like the Kansas Equality Coalition need to lay off Democratic gubernatorial candidate Paul Davis on this issue.  They should, of course, continue to advocate as strongly as they can against HB2453, but should mute their criticism of Davis for not speaking out more strongly about it.  They should understand the position he's in.  He voted against it, of course, but making gay rights a central issue of his campaign is, let's face it, probably not going to substantially increase his election chances in Kansas.  Moreover, as House Minority Leader he is essentially powerless to stop it.  As Governor, however, he could veto these horrible bills all day long.  So let's focus on getting him there.  Let him continue to hammer Brownback on the issues that resound with most Kansans - education, taxes, and the economy.  Calling him out on this bill and making it a huge issue in the Governor's race not only enables the GOP to label him a loony liberal, it might also dissuade potential Davis voters who decide he's just more of the same.  So knock it off, OK?

A Wheel of Time Retrospective

Note: This will be generally spoiler-free, but I can't very well share my thoughts on the Wheel of Time without discussing at least some of its content.  So if you can't stomach knowing the slightest details about the books because you might just read them someday, consider yourself warned.

"The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again."

It's been around 17 years since I first read those words - the opening to The Eye of the World, the first book of the Wheel of Time series (WoT) by Robert Jordan.  Half my current lifetime ago.  And while they speak to the cyclical nature of existence in Jordan's world, it also puts me to thinking how much has changed since I first turned those pages, and how much has stayed the same (I'm still a pretty big nerd).  Leaving such metaphysical ponderings behind, it's worth reflecting on one of the most personally influential book series I've ever read.

The Wheel of Time turns...

I began my journey through "Randland" (as WoT's world is known to fans) circa 1996.  After becoming addicted to role-playing video games such as the Final Fantasy series, my burgeoning nerd-dom sought to expand the obsession into other genres - naturally epic fantasy novels.  The first obvious step was The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, which I only got as far as The Two Towers (I finished them much later).  When I was a freshman in high school, I saw one of the seniors I looked up to reading the 7th WoT book, which had just come out.  Figuring it must be good, I picked up The Eye of the World some time later, and was immediately hooked.

WoT establishes a world that is filled with many diverse cultures and colorful characters.  The main character is Rand al'Thor, a young man from a village in the Two Rivers who learns that he is the Dragon Reborn, savior of the world who is destined to fight the Dark One during the Last Battle.  What follows is, not surprisingly, a world-spanning tale of war, intrigue, camaraderie, and betrayal.  It could easily be written off as standard pulp fantasy hero's-journey stuff, but several aspects of Randland make WoT one of the most enthralling fantasy series ever crafted.  Just a few of my favorite bits:

• Magic is realized by channeling the One Power, which is divided into male and female halves.  In Rand's time, the male half has been tainted by the Dark One, and so any man that can channel is slowly driven insane.  Women who can channel form the organization of Aes Sedai, who - in between fighting the Shadow and conducting business with rulers - seek out male channelers and take away their power.
• Lots of great dark creatures to fight.  There's Trollocs (sort of like orcs but more varied), Fades (eyeless swordsmen who lead the Trollocs), and Gray Men, elusive assassins that your eyes can't quite focus on.  And of course there are the Forsaken, the leading evil channelers from ages past, brought back by the Dark One to serve as the main antagonists in the early books.  And if that's not enough, the second book introduces the Seanchan - invaders from across the sea who were exiled long ago but have returned to claim what they believe is rightfully theirs - as if Rand didn't have enough on his hands.
• Well-realized cultures, countries, and characters that are effectively introduced in a gradual way so you're not overwhelmed.  Rand's childhood friends Mat, Perrin, and Egwene grow in multiple dimensions to play pivotal parts in the story.  The most interesting cultures include the aforementioned Seanchan, the Aiel desert warriors, and the fanatical Children of the Light, who regard Aes Sedai as an abomination.
• Unlike Game of Thrones, there are clearly defined "good guys" and "bad guys" in Wheel of Time.  That's not to say there's no complexity in motivations or shifting alliances; that certainly abounds.  But coming back to the WoT finale after reading George R. R. Martin's series, I have to admit - it was nice to have heroes to root for.  The forces of good are always on the ropes, but never down for the count - and whenever they pull out some small victory, it's intensely satisfying.

The first six books in the series are truly epic, featuring self-contained stories with thrilling climaxes while simultaneously expanding the world and developing the main characters in a gradual way so that you never feel overwhelmed.  I can't recommend them highly enough if you're a fan of fantasy.  Things slow down a bit in the seventh book, A Crown of Swords, but at the time it was tolerable as it could be viewed as table-setting for some truly momentous events to follow.

Then the eighth book came out, and none of those events occurred.  Ditto in the ninth...and in the tenth...well, the wheels basically came off.  Nothing happens in these books.  The main characters are barely featured in them, instead introducing a bunch of minor side characters that you do not care about one bit.  There's little, if any, forward progression in the main plot, and there are no self-contained stories to keep your interest either.  There's basically just a bunch of talking about what people might do and very excessive descriptions of women's dresses.  The characters suffered, either coming across as cowardly, supremely indecisive, or petty.  It truly felt as if Robert Jordan and his publisher thought "we've got these loyal fans who will read every book, so let's milk those suckers for all they're worth."  I was one of those loyal suckers who kept on reading, hoping beyond hope that in the next installment the action that had been promised and talked about for so long would finally happen.  And it never did.  (If you think I'm alone in this opinion, check out the reviews for Book 10 on Amazon.  2-star average from 2,600 reviews.  Ouch.)

Then in 2007, after Book 11 had been published, the unthinkable happened - Jordan up and died.  Beleaguered fans were worried that the series would never be finished, but given where it had been recently, perhaps it was better to put it out of its misery.  But while it feels horrible to say this, Jordan's death was perhaps the best thing that could have happened for the Wheel of Time.  Fellow fantasy author Brandon Sorensen stepped up to finish the series using Jordan's exhaustive notes.  A couple years later Book 12 came out - and it was good!  Not as monumental as the early books, but plots moved forward, the writing was much crisper, and the beloved characters were back in the starring role.  There was hope yet, and clear indication that Sorensen would actually be able to draw the saga to a close.

And so I kept on reading, and have just completed the finale, A Memory of Light (Book 14).  It was very satisfying, with action worthy of an event called the Last Battle pretty much from beginning to end.  The threats are real, the characters believable, and the final struggle between good and evil suitably weighty.  In a way, it reminded me a bit of the final episode of Breaking Bad.  That show received a bit of criticism for not rocking the boat too much in its finale, eschewing any huge surprises in favor of basically giving the fans what they wanted.  Personally I was fine with that, and it's much the same in A Memory of Light.  Everything that you might expect basically happens, but it's executed very well.  Plot threads are tied up, and characters get suitable sendoffs.  While it may not hit quite as high as the early books, it was a fitting conclusion and a great reminder to what initially drew me into Randland all those years ago.

If you're a fan of high fantasy literature, I really do recommend The Wheel of Time, except for Books 8 - 11.  For those, take five minutes to read what happens on Wikipedia.  Otherwise, it's a journey into a well-crafted world that you'll never forget, and I'm glad to finally have this notch on my literary belt complete.

The Top 11 Video Games I Played in 2013

It's arguably never been better to be a gamer.  The amazing variety of games available, of all sizes, scopes, and themes, and at all price points, is almost unbelievable.  There is literally something for everyone.  This is possibly most true on the PC, where Steam sales and Humble Bundles have made it difficult to argue to ever pay full price for a game, unless you just have to be in on the day-one conversation.  I only paid full price for one of the games on this list, and got another game on it as part of the package deal.  Because it's so easy to sample so many games, I just couldn't narrow it to ten favorites that I played in 2013.  So yes, mine goes to 11. And away we go:

11. FTL
My indie darling pick of the year, FTL is a an addicting "roguelike" space game where you're trying to guide a ship across the galaxy with evil forces in pursuit, while everything that can possibly go wrong does.  You'll have to manage your crew, upgrade your ship, scavenge for supplies, and fight ruthless enemies to have a chance to survive.  And even then you'll probably die, as you never know what's lurking in the next star system.  It's tough, but that's the nature of this genre - but it succeeds in always drawing you back for another run.  Bonus: awesome soundtrack.

10. Mana Khemia: Alchemists of Al-Revis
It wouldn't be my list without at least one obscure Japanese RPG.  I tend to hate crafting in games, so I'm not sure why I thought I'd like an RPG that's focused on crafting, to the point that it even dictates character growth.  But the system held my interest throughout, so this game gets high marks for pulling that off.  The battle system is also just different enough from standard JRPG fare to be interesting, and it delivers great boss fights alongside easily skippable regular encounters.

9. Psychonauts
Tim Schafer and his team at Double Fine created one of the best 3D platforming games that doesn't have Mario attached to it.  Psychonauts features snappy writing, colorful characters, and insanely creative and diverse level design.  Among the highlights for me were the level depicting a suburban neighborhood warped by MC Escher and populated by mysterious, conspiratorial agents, and the stage where you play a wargame against Napoleon.  It gets some points knocked off for the near-impossibility of the final Meat Circus level, at least for me.  Damn you, Meat Circus!!!

8. Darksiders
I would never be so crazy as to argue that this Zelda clone is a better game than the 3D Zeldas - but it's possible I enjoyed it more.  I love the theme of playing as War (of apocalyptic horseman fame) fighting both demons and angels across the scorched ruins of modern Earth to figure out why he was framed for triggering Armageddon.  The combat hits hard, the environments are interesting and the puzzles are fun without being too frustrating.  Plus Mark Hamill makes a voice-acting appearance (and not the only time on this list...).

7. Alan Wake
Alan Wake wears its influences like the patches on the titular character's tweed jacket - Stephen King, Twin Peaks, the Twilight Zone, and atmospheric third-person shooters like developer Remedy's own Max Payne series.  Combining this effectively without feeling like a ripoff, Alan Wake tells the story of a writer caught up in a horror story of his own creation.  It utilizes a unique combat mechanic in which you must shine your trusty flashlight on the darkly tainted enemies to make them vulnerable to your conventional guns.  The result is super tense combat that portrays Alan as a regular dude struggling for survival instead of a badass space marine or whatever.  The final chapter drug on a bit too long, but the otherwise effective storytelling kept me wanting to discover what would happen next in the twisted town of Bright Falls.

6. Dead Island
My guilty pleasure of the year.  This game has its issues, but I sure did enjoy crushing some zombie skulls with my baseball bats and hammers.  Dead Island is an open-world RPG-ish zombie-killing game set in a tropical paradise - a fairly unique setting for the theme that earns it a lot of points.  You run around helping people out, finding new gear, and upgrading your character - all the while engaging in first-person combat against several types of zombies, which I found generally tense and rewarding - though it could get a bit frustrating and monotonous at times.  The slower pace and ability to aim for different body parts to debilitate the zombies makes the combat more interesting and tactical than other first-person melee affairs, and the scarcity of ammo for guns seems more realistic for the setting and situation.  Dare I say I enjoyed Dead Island more than the frantic chaos of Left 4 Dead?  Yes, I dare.

5. Batman: Arkham Asylum
Yes, I finally got around to playing this acclaimed Batman game.  All the praise was worth it, as Arkham Asylum is arguably the best Batman game ever created, combining a great story set in the moody atmosphere of the asylum with gameplay that really makes you feel as if you're the Dark Knight.  With Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill returning from the animated series to voice the Bat and the Joker respectively, the game has a great deal of authenticity, bolstered by all the background info you can discover about the asylum and its denizens.  The combat system is fun while staying true to Batman's character (no guns), the detective mode effectively plays up that aspect of the Caped Crusader's persona, and there's just enough stealth for someone like me - who hates stealth games - to be able to pull off sneak attacks and feel like a total badass doing it. 

4. The Walking Dead
I've only seen the pilot of the Walking Dead TV show and have never read the comics.  Moreover, I tend to shy away from adventure games.  So how could I possibly enjoy both in one package?  Well, take some of the best storytelling in the Walking Dead universe (from what I've heard) and combine it with some of the best aspects of great Western RPGs - character interactions with diverse choices and meaningful consequences - and mostly leave out the obtuse puzzle-solving that drags down adventure games for me.  That'll do the trick.  TellTale's opus tells an engrossing story where there are no good options and whatever you do will make you feel like a horrible person - and yet you'll keep coming back, because you can't leave Clementine to face the horrors of the zombie apocalypse by herself.  Some save bugs and finicky active gameplay moments hold it back just a bit, but here's hoping those are addressed in the new season of this tale.

Before I reveal the top three, let me just say they are all incredibly strong games - any of them could have been number one had I played them in different years.  But, I have to make the hard choices, so without further ado...

3. XCOM: Enemy Unknown
Definitely among the greatest revivals of a classic franchise, XCOM takes the intense tactical gameplay of this series and updates it for a modern audience, without sacrificing any of the challenge that made the originals great (but probably too rough for me).  Brought to you by Firaxis of Civilization series fame, XCOM places you as the commander of an international team tasked with fighting back a relentless alien invasion, both through strategically building up your base and - the main draw - taking on the menace in squad-level turn-based battles along the lines of Final Fantasy Tactics.  The ability to customize your soldiers to name them after your friends and then honor their glorious, sacrificial deaths was a real treat.  XCOM deservedly brought many new fans into this strategy genre with its accessibility and addictiveness, and I'm looking forward to delving into the expansion, Enemy Within, to discover what new horrors the aliens have brought to the fight.

XCOM also wins my award for Best Original Game Music Track of the year, for this blood-pumping song that plays when prepping your soldiers for a mission that may very well be their last: 

2. Mass Effect 3
I think it was to my benefit to wait almost a year to play through the final chapter of BioWare's space opera, as I missed the fracas that surrounded the game's original ending and only experienced the "final" version.  For me, it was a fitting ending to Commander Shepard's saga and effectively culminated one of my favorite series in video games or perhaps any medium.  The combat was still fun, ancillary parts were streamlined without feeling dumbed down, and every beloved character got their moment in the spotlight to wrap up their tale (my apologies to Tali - I swear I didn't know you were going to throw yourself off that cliff when I accidentally ordered genocide against your people).  I'm glad Shepard's story was brought to a great (and definitive) conclusion, but the Mass Effect universe is so rich with interesting lore that I hope BioWare has some other awesome ideas for it up their sleeve.

1. Bioshock Infinite 

     

"There's always a lighthouse, a man, a city."

Anyone that knows me at all should know this would be number one.  The original Bioshock created one of the most interesting worlds in video game history in the underwater city of Rapture.  Irrational Games' long-awaited follow-up equally delivers, in crafting the floating city of Columbia in 1912 - a city where its founder, Zachary Comstock - haunted by his experiences at Wounded Knee and the Boxer Rebellion - has taken the ideas of (white) American exceptionalism to their most revolting extreme.  It is a city where Washington is blindly worshiped as a god, John Wilkes Booth is revered as a hero, and interracial couples are stoned at fairs.  Into this colorful nightmare steps Booker DeWitt, who only knows that he must "rescue the girl to pay the debt."  The girl in question is Elizabeth, one of the best realized characters in gaming, who accompanies Booker through your first-person shooting adventure in Columbia.  The combat is fun and intense, with strategically-placed skylines enabling you to zip around like a one-man armed rollercoaster.  But the setting and characters are the real stars - from Comstock and the other "Founders" to the faction fighting against him, who are certainly no saints - raising the question of how far you should go to fight oppression.  Questions of inter-dimensional travel threaten to overly complicate things, but the story builds to an incredible ending that effectively wraps things up.  It's just an unforgettable experience.

Additionally, Bioshock Infinite takes the award for Best Use of Licensed / Borrowed Music, for its ingenious old-timey, anachronistic arrangements of more modern songs by the Beach Boys, Cyndi Lauper, and Creedence Clearwater Revival, among others.  (What are these songs doing in 1912?  You'll have to play the game to find out.)  As an example, here's a ragtime version of "Tainted Love":

Last, I also love this minimalist rendition of "Will the Circle Be Unbroken?", which works on so many levels as the unofficial theme song of Bioshock Infinite.  Enjoy, and happy gaming.